"did you practise anything like meditation?"
Nope. But what was revealed is that life is living meditation, no practice needed.
"never observing thoughts etc?"
Thoughts are only a combination of words. Words are all made-up, fake, false, make-believe; they are symbols in which we have all agreed on in order to communicate. Since they are all made-up and false and don't point to actual things, thoughts are empty. Thoughts don't point to an actual reality. When that is seen, thoughts have no juice, no substance, no meaning, there is no longer a reason to believe them. They are noticed sometimes and other times not noticed, doesn't matter because thought is either ignored or empty.
"so you do not identify yourself with thoughts? i am thinking all the time"
Thoughts cannot be identified with, they are a conditioning taught to us from a small age. Nothing really ever identifies with thought other than thought. So nobody is really thinking those thoughts. They are completely connected to what unfolds in the environment. As a way of saying it, you could say they are the environment thoughts, for without the environment no thoughts would be stimulated.
So as long as there is an environment, there will be thinking but I am not thinking them. In the same way I am not beating my heart or breathing, but if I focus on my breathe, it can give the illusion that I can decide to breath. Thoughts are the same way.
"wow than is there any meaning of life? why we are here? only we are here only just for nothing?"
I don't know why we are here. I don't even what we are. The point is that it cannot be known. All knowledge derives from words alone. When we say "tree" for example, that is not really a tree. Tree is a made-up word for that in order to talk about it. I don't know what that is. I don't know what anything is. It's a mystery but it's a mystery that doesn't needs solved or unraveled because the one asking and the one that wants to know is only thought. The only one that could know, don't know.
"you know sometimes it happen to "me" that there is nothing, no emotion, thinking, nothing, i do not know where i am at that moment, but than, the character simply arises again do you know what i am speaking about?"
Yes I know that experience well. It happens all the time here. But it's just an experience. Experiences are fleeting and changing all the time. Actually that experience happens to everybody, it is natural. But most ignore it and don't want to see it because it's scary to not know. Most want to knowledge so they project this false layer called thoughts and they pretend to know things through words and labels but that is not really knowing anything. It's just comfortable.
"so than there is not any point you can hold if even these experiences change, is impermanent, i do not really understand this nothing"
The awareness (consciousness, witness, being, space) or whatever changing word, that sees everything in life change and is aware of all change in your life. That is unchanging. That is the only truth there is but that sees everything. There is the same awareness here as it is there or anywhere else. It's one awareness. Whatever that awareness sees, all the change, all the states, sensations, experiences, etc... cannot be separated from it. So everything is it. Truth is therefore everything. It resides nowhere particular because it is equally everywhere as everything. Yet since it is absolutely everything and there is nothing else. Then everything is nothing because there is nothing else that can be known. There is nothing to understand about it.
"i had this problem that this experience happened for hours, character was just sitting, not frustrated, but there was simply nothing, for many hours, i did not know time, date, nothing, but it is not good to be in this because than body is not important how did you integrated this experience to normal daily life?"
Since nobody is there, because it is everything. It is not moving anywhere. Nothing can be had or gained. There is no goal to move away from anything since there is nowhere to go and nobody is ever really going anywhere because there is nothing else here but this. So does it matter that nothing, no body is important? How can anything be important when everything is equally important? What is valuable, when everything has equally value? It just feels uncomfortable because we are conditioned to think that only certain things are important and not other things. However your direct experience tells you that the conditioning is somehow not right but there is nothing wrong with the conditioning behaving as if something is more important the\an something else because that cannot be separate from awareness either. It's not a choice to see things that way, that is just how the environment is unfolding and nobody has a choice in how it unfolds. Everything that the environment unfolds is natural. So it doesn't matter if something is important or not, it just matters in the moment and whatever is seen in that moment. But nobody can decide what the moment will bring, just go this what is seen in the moment, not because it is true but because that is what is right now. Be honest to the right now and there is no problem.
I just go with what is. I don't move to manipulate anything. Everything is seen as what is it and I am not sure what it is and if it is arising as if I know then I go with that. Whatever is here is here not by me so I have no reason to do anything with it, I just be and being a human being doing naturally arises out of being. I am not choosing what to do, the unfolding environment will show what is the next natural response. It's just simply living. That is all is was ever doing anyhow because nobody is doing it, it's just being. I am no longer in the way of myself. The body will not starve, it will feed itself.
"wow are you happy?"
Happy and sadness and confusion and anger come and go just like it always does. But there is no reason to move away from any state that comes and capitalize on any. I fully allow it to be there because I am not choosing it, so I don't have a choice to get rid of it. I don't believe that the thoughts like "Anger is bad, you shouldn't be feeling this right now. Happiness feels better, you should try to be more happy and leave this anger behind" because I see that anger is naturally unfolding through whatever is taking place in the environment and my conditioning to respond to it in that way. Chasing the happiness and running away from pain is seen to be the source of all suffering/pain/frustration. Whatever is in the moment is what is and what is cannot be ran away from because that is what is happening. Who am I to say it should happen any other way? If it were meant to happen some other way then it would.
Happiness is therefore irrelevant because there is a contentment of knowing that whatever is here now, it will change eventually. Everything changes except the awareness that sees all the change and there is an contentment is knowing that.
"i have one last question, if you somehow cared about yourself emotionally, after this happened, or you simply allow all emotion to arise? sometimes i do not feel absolutely anything, but than, i am back involved in all of this emotional turbulence, and it seems i have no any power to do with that anything..."
80% of emotion happens when a thought is believed, but you are right, you have no power in anything. You have no power in how the environment will unfold, you have no power in how you will respond, you have no power in if emotional turbulence is there or not. There is no goal here to get rid of anything but if the goal arises to get rid of emotional turbulence, that is fine too because it's not you deciding to do that. So there is nothing wrong with goals, it seems the suffering/frustration comes when there is expectations on the goals that arise. If one thinks that the expectation of the goal has to be met in order to feel better then that is where the seemingly trouble resides. It is only thought that is trying to make things better but thought is just made of made-up words so how can you trust what it wants, it believes in a made-up world. It believes that thing it calls a "tree" is really a tree. The insanity comes when one doesn't question the thought. You have no choice but to follow every thought that goes unquestioned. I don't sit here and question all my thoughts because they are all seen through as false. But if you want to see through emotional turbulence, see what thoughts are being believed to arise an emotion. The emotion will happen immediately after the thought happens if it is believed as real and true. But don't expect results. The only thing you can really expect is that it will change eventually.
"so somehow it happened that you gave up everything?"
Not that I gave up everything, but that I don't know anything. Everything is known through thought/words... without that what is to know? People think they know what is best for their life, I don't know so I let whatever happens to be what is happening. How can I change what is anyhow? What is will change and it may seem like I had something to do with that and if it does seem that way then I go with that. But what is right now, will change eventually even if I don't move to change it at all. Everything is finite. The experiences never last. Nothing ever is stable except the awareness that sees it all. So it doesn't matter if I try or if I don't try because in the end it never adds up to anything. It can sound apathy, but it's really an acceptance of what is because there is no other choice and there is freedom in that.
So people call it an unconditional love for what is now, because they see that nothing else could be here now expect what is already now here.
"why is it people are so deeply interested in adoration? i am very disillusioned, because it seems, that everybody needs to adoration something - his ego, other people, guru, god, peoples, friends, career, sex, religious, whatever, and it seemed that it is too normal for everybody to have this adoration, so we do not know we have that and it is also something what is holding us back that it is our pillar"
Because they ignore their own direct experience. Their own experience tells them that they do not know and if they don't know, then they assume that somebody else must know better than their own direct taste of life Haha.... that and it's condition. We are all conditioned beings. Yes it goes unnoticed because this condition is all too common and therefore accepted as normal.
Everything we were taught, everything we learn, everything we believe, everything we assume is all based on ignoring our own experience. But we have no choice in this. This is just how the environment has unfolded. It is natural.
"look at this if you want maybe you will like that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRDzOf2JFHw
Alex is in this video. Many people have problem when he says all is mind. They do not know what he means by that. He is not speaking about individual mind."
Yes we all have different ideas or meaning on words, but words are useless, they can only point. When you see what the words a pointing to, it doesn't matter how one defines them. Words are fully empty. The emphasis on them don't matter and instead you see where they point in your direct experience and not what the words mean. Meaning doesn't clarify anything. Meaning can only derive from other made-up words..We are all conditioned to use different words and even conditioned to use the same words but different meanings. All the emphasis on words and their meanings is where the conflict come in. If you think you know and other does not, then there will be conflict.
Words don't know anything. Without relying on empty words, nobody knows anything.
