"Today, there seems to be no where to turn. Every turn is "a silent mirror of Awareness" reflecting "nothing" - just a "story" of imagination."
That's the way it is but not the way it is always seen, expect it to change. Change is the only thing you can count on. This is infinitely every state and experience and therefore it changes easily and mysteriously. Always has, the story of "me and mine" only knows one experience so that is all it focuses on and ignores all other states/experiences.
"Ya know Nick. This afternoon the story of "me and mine" is seen as a story of insecurity, of "leaning out" instead of consolidating the "aware power" - the ever present energy within.
Bumped into a little book today by Stuart Wilde called Silent Power (it's in your face right from the very start) but what is needed, and just what the Cosmic Mother/Father ordered.
Insecurity seems to be what is being run from and much energy is wasted in desperately trying to get away from the sight of it. THAT which is All, Sees All, and moves All - is That which creates what needs to be seen, and provides the power to face what needs to be faced. Sometime it feels like death, a dying off. Sometime feelings of aloneness arise in this etheric space of Being and there us nothing to do, just let it be."
Yeah there is so much to it that it seems impossible to narrow it down to one thing but indeed insecurity is a big one. I have seen so many different possibilities pop-up of what stops this from being accepted for what it is, even in my own experience. There was a caught of many sticky points and stories here.
"Today the old insecure ways of relating to everything wants to stay in charge, but they must die from neglect."
Indeed, old stories will always want to return and new ones will arise, it is a constant moment to moment seeing if no thoughts are being believed (no-stories). Yet, eventually there is this seeing that there is nobody there so it doesn't matter what arises; even if it is old stories or new ones or no-stories at all. It is seen that there is no goal in this since there is nowhere to go (because it is all you, it can't be said to be anywhere, no-location, no-reference, no-where), nothing to do (no doer to do it), whatever unfolds is natural (no thing is unnatural or unwanted and therefore nothing is wanted).
So this can seem to be a process in time (even while simultaneously realizing there is no-time). But that "process" seems to unfold itself natural. After the initial "awakening", there is no stopping it from "fully awakening". In most cases; again it is unpredictable, as soon as you think you have it figured out- it changes and you observe something outside of that thinking. Whatever the case, it is never what thought thinks it is. Every thought is a story. Even everything said here
"Nick,
Sometime there seems to be great clarity, and others (like now) total uncertainty. So many ideas, right thoughts, ways to be to be awake, one voice says one way is the way to freedom in time, follow me and another voice says you already are God, this is total illusion, another voice says you are lost, another says there is nothing to do. One voice flows through with words of wisdom and insight, and others doubt and dismay. This personality, this spiritual knowing, this whole spiritual crap seems like a lifetime of chasing a rainbow, not as a pastime, but an insanity gone wild moment by moment. An obsession for 42 years called waking up. This feels like the dark night of the soul right now. I'm tired. Everything spiritual feels like an act. How can one know so much and seem so lost?
Right now, well, I want to run away from this whole spiritual seen, but there is no where to run, it's always in a circle. Total despair. Totally lost. It seems for the last two weeks when speaking with others that listen to Living Realization, that there was something of value in resting, and directing the listener to silence and presence. Like there had been a breakthrough. Yes the one watching and listening to these stories, and aware of the sensation of tears flowing down the cheeks, That isn't lost, just is. That energy just watches the despair.
Did you ever feel like this after some sort of clearer seeing and then darkness and the deepest despair possible? For months there seemed like no one, nothing, and seperate self could not be found. Then there seems like what I am is this witnessing presence. Then a wise being, that could help and support other, and now there is emotional pain, confussion and dispair."
Yeah these things are common, it seems. It doesn't last, nothing does except what witnesses it. What seems so energetic right now, will be gone as a faint and distant memory of empty thought, nothing more.
"This morning there was a spiritual crises, an inner meltdown. As the ego melts, and that which has been worshiped (and investment in spiritual thoughts, ideas, points of view) begin to melt away with it, sometime there is this "collision." Tears just flow like a river, like there is this broken heart.
Then the "I" don't know gets vaster. There is no "I" to know! Somewhere between the last time this occurred and today, deeper, tightly held beliefs have come under fire, like a burning forest of assumptions. THERE IS NOTHING THAT IS NOT SUSCEPTIBLE TO THE FLAME."
The flame burns everything, then burns itself out too. There is nothing left since there was nothing ever here. Not that it doesn't exist but that it doesn't exist as thought thinks it does.
_______________________________________________________________
Living Realization was founded by Scott Kiloby. Scott has an extraordinary way of pointing to the unshakable & unmovable peace that is always presently here no matter what is appearing. Using his pointing you can easily see through all the traps of the mind/thought/ego (or whatever word) that seems to stop this from being seen. I have spoken to several people who have seen what is being pointed to by reading the free Living Realization ebook and joining the living realization meetings (contact Livingrealization@hotmail.com to join) where you can talk live with Scott and others interested in realization.
If you do join, let me know how it works out for you.
