"In that interview with Scott, I was a bit "shocked" because you sounded quite nervous and tensed... somehow, I had never expected that in you.... I assumed someone who has realized that amount of freedom which you have, would always feel tremendousely relaxed all the time."
The freedom that is realized, is just the freedom of what I am. The freedom that you are is always there rather realized or not. The thought "I should feel relaxed all the time in order to be the freedom I am." is nothing but a conceptual idea that appears to separate this freedom from being seen. There is no actual separation, you are never separate from the freedom of what you are. Any thought only gives the illusion or appearance of separation because that's what thoughts do.
Thoughts are not a problem, you just will not realize the freedom in there. Just because thoughts are arising in your awareness, doesn't mean you are thinking them. And if you believe you are the thinker of thoughts, doesn't mean all thoughts are true. As a pointer, no thought is ever true no matter how true it seems, therefore thoughts can arise all they want. When it's seen that no thought is accurate, then there is no reason to resist or transcend thoughts and there is no reason to care if thoughts are resisted either because there is nobody there to choose to resist thought or not. It's just conditioning responding, not matter what appears, so choice can appear to happen all it wants.
The realization of the freedom that you are is just seeing that everything is naturally and spontaneously happening without your control. I really have no control rather this body/mind gets nervous or not and there is nobody here that cares to change whatever arises. And if there is a thought that wants to change feeling nervous then there is still nobody here that cares if it wants to or if it even tries to change it with more thoughts. The freedom of this is that everything and anything can arise in awareness because it is just another appearance of awareness itself.
The awareness here is completely uninterested in any appearance. If the appearance of nervousness arises, there is uninterested in it. No interest to change it, no interest in following a thought (which is just another appearance) that nervousness is negative, no interest to move away from it, no interest to hang on to it, no interest to do anything with it. There is just a noticing that it is there, but uninterested in the noticing of it.
What is noticing and what is being noticed is the same exact thing. It doesn't matter what the appearance is, it's still oneness (or whatever label). Therefore if an interest in appearances arises, then that doesn't matter either. Whatever appearance is appearing, it's appearing on it's own accord and I have nothing to do with it. Nervousness still appears in this conditioned body/mind and since I have nothing to do with that either, there is no interest in it. You can only have interest in something if it is real to you and it can only be real to you if you think you are doing it. If you think you are the doer then what others do will appear to be real to you because you think they are doing it. However it appears, it's appearing to you (or inside you), you are not the one making it appear.
Consequentially, every appearance is uninteresting and if something appears interesting then that's the appearance appearing. When everything is uninteresting as one thing, just an appearance, then all appearances appear to be uniquely what they are and are enjoyed as such. In other words, seeing all appearances as just appearances doesn't make everything appear dull, it appears exactly as it is rather than how you think it is appearing. Yet, it doesn't matter what you think is appearing because that is just an appearance.
It's not as confusing or paradoxical as it seems, thought just can't grasp it since thought is just an appearance and there is nothing to grasp. Grasping is just an appearance.
There is no saying what "awakening to enlightenment" (or whatever label) will entitle because the appearances and disappearances of conditions are unlimited. Like Scott was saying in the interview, someone even "woke-up to nonduality" and wanted the sense of self back. There is no telling what conditions will still remain and which ones will fall away upon "realization" of this here and now eternal moment, if any.
However, there will always be conditions, since conditions are natural and spontaneous responses, without conditions the appearance of this world would not be here because conditions themselves are just appearances. It is through conditions/appearances that the unconditioned/nonappearance plays. Every condition stems from the unconditioned and therefore all conditions are the unconditioned. Every appearance stems from the nonappearance and therefore all appearances are the nonappearance. There is nothing wrong with any condition because it is the unconditioned itself. There is nothing wrong with any appearance because it is the nonappearance itself. Nothing is ever happening, it only appears to be happening. Everything is a nonappearance appearing as an appearance from the nonappearance (or whatever label). It's always one thing, no matter what label you place on that one "thing", it has no name.
There is no control as to what the conditioned body/mind will think, say, or do. If you think you know how you will respond, you don't. All responses are spontaneously naturally happening without your control. The environment and the conditioned body/mind responses are always acting together as one movement in a very natural and spontaneous way. Nobody controls the natural and spontaneous arising environment and you are that. Seen or not, you are that. You are the freedom of that.
